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[icon] Jenflur
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Subject:a rant
Time:10:03 pm
I've just had the world's laziest day. I've done, literally, nothing from about noon until now, and I've enjoyed every damn minute of it. Instead of working on my thesis like my away message proclaimed, I have sat on the couch the entire afternoon and surfed the internet while watching the usa network. What a way to spend my time. Working too hard, I feel, is a bad way to spend your life, I intend to remedy this problem by sitting around and doing nothing more often. I purposely haven't watched the news all day. It is, unfortunately, too depressing for me to sit through right now. I have a strange sense of attactment, and detachment...if that makes any sense to what's going on overseas. I'm just so tired of hearing all the crap that the media spouts about Lebanon, Iraq, how horrible the Middle East is. It just makes me angry. It gives this horrible skewed view of what's really going on. I am, almost one hundred percent certain, that nobody really knows what the hell is happening over there, not the media, not the army, not our government. The fact that I sit here every night and listen to news reports 18th hand just boggles my mind.

There are some days when I wish I was over there, with my family. I'm not really sure why, I just do. I miss visiting, I miss the overwhelming feeling of family and togetherness. With starting work and being away from my family so much I just realize how little time we actually all spend together. In Jordan, we're always together, we eat together, celebrate together, really live together. It's just such a different feeling, and in the fast paced and isolated world that is good 'ol America, I really feel it. I guess that's my feeling of strange detachment from everything. I have family all across the Middle East, and I do think about them a lot, even moreso in the past few years, but at the same time, I'm so distant from the situation it's hard to remember that I do have ties to the entire sordid mess, however small and insignificant they might seem to some. Sometimes I wonder what my dad is thinking when he watches the news reports. I ask him everytime I see him if he's talked to the family, his only reponse ever is "yes", and then he stops talking about it. The other day we heard about our old friend's family who is over in the north of Lebanon, right now relatively safe from what's going on, then in the same breath he told us about his friend's wife who is in the south, trying to get out of Beruit. It's just so weird and surreal, I can't imagine any of these places that I've been being turned into war zones in a matter of days, it just doesn't seem possible. You just want to shake people and ask why. No explanation I've heard so far makes a lick of sense to me. I think that's what I find so irritating.

I wish people over here had a better perception or perspective of what the Middle East is like, it's so beautiful, and amazing, and just so different. More different than any other place I've ever visited, I just wish more people had the opportunities I've had to experience life over there. Maybe if more people understood it, we'd be better equipped to help, instead of seemingly making everything worse.
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Time:10:20 am
Thank you Phil. This made me laugh after the most boring meeting EVER. :)

QuizGalaxy!
'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com
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Time:07:00 pm
Today I actually did something useful at work.

huh??
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Subject:the MASSIVE to do list
Time:12:02 am
To graduate I must:

1. Complete my thesis which includes the following:
*abstract - first draft
*introduction - currently on fourth revision
*methods - currently on fourth revision
*collect data - in the first stages, IRB approval and such
*results
*discussion
*works cites - ongoing, will in short probably be as long as my entire thesis
*a billion appendices - for the most part completed

I need to contact all my testing sites and work out how the heck I'm going to coordinate everything. In a word I'm terrified. It is a lot of work to do in a year.

2. Pass COMPS:

Five sections, everything I have learned while in grad school. Written - long hand, two days long, time-limited. Enough said.
as of 1/24/2006!

3. Finish internship project:

Publish my manuscript I've been working on for the past year. Do not ask me how I am going to do this while also trying to finish my own thesis, because I don't know.


4. Pass my clinical option classes:

There are three, they meet twice a week, I have to learn how to administer psychological tests to people, apparently the write-ups are supposed to be between 30-40 pages, per week. Fuck me.

5. Get a job:

If I don't know how I'm going to do the above four, believe you me I have no idea how this one is going to fit in.

6. Start looking at Doctoral programs. I've already started, but there is just SO MUCH to look at, it's completely overwhelming. I don't even know really what I want to focus on, there are about three thousand specialties to go into, just like med school, and I thought this was going to be easier. Apparently getting into a clinical psychology program is more difficult than getting into medical school. What was I thinking? I should have stuck with the latter even if I hated chemistry.

Listing actually makes me feel better, at least I know what I have to do now, I can't wait until I can start bulldozing through this and crossing it all off.

That my friends will spell victory!
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Time:10:21 pm
So I leave tomorrow to go to Biloxi, Mississippi for my spring break...where I will help rebuild houses and clear away crazy amounts of debris. I'm excited, and also a little nervous. I promise to take loads of pictures, and post them! Eventually.

Wish me luck!
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Time:03:14 pm
I've been fairly productive this weekend, I guess I'm feeling pretty good about it. I'm so tired though, I slept for four hours in the middle of the day yesterday, I just passed out my bed and slept like a dead weight. I didn't wake up until I was sweating ridiculously and completely tangled up in my sheets.

And my arm is killing me, this tetnus shot is possibly the worst one I've ever had. It is throbbing and basically I have nothing else interesting to say right now other than my arm feels like a dead weight and I have tons of work to do.

Boo.

I am going out to dinner tonight though. Nice.
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Time:10:20 pm
Okay so I did something really stupid. This evening I decided to relax; I wanted to drink hot chocolate, watch Olympic glory happen and take a bath. Ahhhhh, well two out of three isn't bad, but the third, very, very bad. I am an exfoliation junky. I love it, I'm convinced that's how people stay looking young. The trick is not to over do it, you over do it and well, you're in a lot of pain.

Currently I am in a lot of pain.

Whilst enjoying myself in the bath I picked up my exfoliation device (basically a round disk-like thing with lovely smoothing pads) and away I went. Everything was fine, I scrubbed, I showered, I washed, I buffed, I got out of the tub. About ten minutes later, dressed and brushing my hair I noticed my legs hurt, and my shoulders hurt, and....my thighs hurt, etc. I pulled up my sweats, pulled my my shirt and voila! STREAKS OF BLOOD. SCRATCHES EVERYWHERE. Now I am sore, cut up and miserable.

A night of relaxation turns into a night of agony. I'm not exfoliating myself ANY more.
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Time:11:42 pm
Okay there is something seriously wrong with this weather. Yes, I understand that it's February and it's technically supposed to snow. But this is crap, three, four days ago I was wearing t-shirts (and I was bordering on sweating - which I don't even do!), riding in my car with the windows down and sunglasses perched on my nose while freckles developed on my cheeks. Now it's 30 degrees outside with a foot of snow on the ground!!! UNACCEPTABLE! I wanted to so badly believe that we were headed towards a winter WITHOUT SNOW. What an absolute gyp. I always knew February was a cursed month.
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Time:11:49 pm
I am stating this here and now.

In one week I need to have my resume and cover letters done, and by done I mean on the way to the mailbox. It is your duty as my friends to nag and badger me to make sure they are finished.

Jen needs a job when/if she graduates.

End transmission.
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Time:08:42 pm
plan for tonight:

DANCING AND DRUNKENESS
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[icon] Jenflur
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